This is a triumph of social media over fact. From the day they opened, they had hysterical rave reviews which I suspect were posted by the House itself, or by its friends. Despite what you read, it is simply a minimalist design, so outdated, from the 1980s and reminiscent of a bare, soulless factory canteen.

 

The theme is exciting: dine around the world with dishes which quintessentially define the cuisine of 11 nations. But they failed. There is not enough culinary skill, experience or technical knowhow in this entire nation to produce ethnically correct cuisine in more than four ethnically correct restaurants which I know of, so how can this House delude themselves that they have the wherewithal to succeed on such a scale?

For example France, which boasts the most sophisticated cuisine on the planet, is represented here with a goat’s cheese salad inexplicably accompanied by an English Yorkshire pudding. To cast French cuisine into such a culinary dustbin would make any passionate Frenchman’s blood boil with indignation.

But the USA has suffered more, for they denigrated all the fabulous genius of a genre of West Coast and New York chefs by representing American cuisine as a hamburger. Certainly there is an undercurrent of obese slobs who dine and die on a diet of McMuck, but the House is oblivious to a nation containing sophisticated, cool Americans who live by superior alternative culinary values.

So taking the above examples into consideration, it dawned on me that these national aberrations were the extent of the ‘skills’ of the so-called chef, who was nothing more than an untalented domestic cook, and not a ‘chef’ by any standard. Do you need proof? Read on.

Off to Argentina from which the House offered us a… steak and chips! At a whopping RON 100, I asked my waiter to bring my uncooked steak for my examination. Not only did he not ask me how I wanted it ‘done’, but I was presented with a fait accomplis– a well done steak with a snide message from the moron in the kitchen stating “we are a restaurant, not a butcher’s” so he would not let me see my raw meat before he cooked it his way, not mine!

I wanted to find something, anything good here, but the House is its worst enemy as we entered the world of stupidity with the magnificence of Japanese cuisine represented by ‘salmon teriyaki’. An overcooked hard salmon in a sauce of soy, ginger, garlic and probably lime. We could not eat it. Trash!

By now our meal was becoming a comedy of errors. Finland was represented with a ‘salmon gravadlax’ which is a Danish dish of salmon and dill, But the idiots in the kitchen think you are as stupid as they are so you are asked to accept this, rather than Finnish ‘Karelian’ pie which is beyond the competence of the inept ‘chef’.

By now I was suffering pangs of hunger which could not be satiated by this dreadful dump, as I simply could not finish anything on my plate. It was all so bad. So in a fit of hope, I opted for their Chinese offering of: three thousand years of magnificent cuisine reduced to a ‘wonton pork dumpling’ in a talentless salty soy sauce. Nooooo thanks, House.

As for poor Lebanon, I love their fabulous food so much that I would gladly dodge the bullets and IEDs of ISIS killers just to get my face into it. But what does Kane give you, just humble hummus as their mistaken notion of the national dish of Lebanon.

I have to ask myself if this House can produce anything correctly. No, they cannot! This is a case of strutting bombast which insults the intelligence of every customer whom they treat like fools who they think know nothing about international food.

And is there any saving grace about this trash-house? Yes. The wine list is superb. I quaffed two bottles of superb Bordeaux to cushion me from the pain of this ludicrous food. Thank you sommelier, the wine was the only thing to go there for.

Kane World Studio, Str Tunari 60, tel. 031 410 0016

Michael Barclay

Mab.media@dnt.ro